Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Better Child-Rearing Through Gas

All three kids have colds to varying degrees, and the symptoms appear most at night. To help, we've put humidifiers in both rooms. As we were heading for bed ourselves last night Terhi noticed the hissing sound coming from the children's rooms and observed that it sounded like we were gassing them.

The imagery was further reinforced when we checked in on the two older kids. Walter was face down, sprawled sideways in his bed. Terhi joked that he'd been trying to get out of bed when the gas hit him.

You will be relieved to know that the gas we use has only a mild sedative effect, as it didn't seem to inhibit them from waking up the household this morning at 5:50 am.

I'd like to use the gas on our cats. The new house seems to have broken them out of their former, lay-about habits. As soon as the kids go to bed they start getting wild and chasing each other around the house like maniacs. It makes it rather hard to concentrate sometimes, especially when they play on the ground floor, which is entirely Pergo flooring. Two wild cats + Pergo flooring = More tap-dancing than a Gene Kelly movie. Really fun!

STANDARD DISCLAIMER FOR THOSE WHO FAILED THE SECOND-GRADE READING COMPREHENSION TESTS: No, we do not use gas on our kids or pets. We use gas for heating water and heating our air. The gas used in heating in no way comes into contact with the circulated air. We do not use canaries to check for gas. No children or animals were harmed in the writing of this blog entry.

3 comments:

Benneducci said...

Only if they're vicious razor-beaked cat-eating canaries... And if you have something to do in the canaries with afterward...

Anonymous said...

No, no! You inject the canaries with cat tranquilzer and then when the cats eat the canaries . . .

Hm. Now I'll have dreams about Max and Jinx doing "Singing in the Rain" or maybe dancing with Jerry the Mouse.

Have they started sliding on the floor and crashing into walls yet?

Thom said...

Enough with the canaries...you're OBSESSED with the canaries!

(Use genetically-enhanced, super-sized cane toads to take out the razor-beaked, cat-eating canaries, kinda like that strange toad-thing outside Jabba's palace.)

This is probably one of the reasons why I love you guys!

Oh yes, the cats bounce off walls, tables, chairs, their owners, each other... No sense of self-preservation, these cats. Or perhaps just "no sense." Even before they ran into the walls.