James Lileks Makes My Day...Twice!

I had a really hard time getting going this morning, and it only started looking worse when I got to work. But then James Lileks posted a short video about the snow they got in Minneapolis, complete with witty commentary (at least I find it witty). It made me laugh, and I needed to laugh. And so I determined to thank him by sending the following letter:

I just had to drop you a quick note just to say thanks. Your snow video today, with its accompanying commentary, made me laugh. I needed a laugh this morning. And that is the reason I keep coming back to your site. You remind us all to appreciate life and laugh at ourselves--a message made all the more legitimate by the fact that you admit needing reminding of it yourself.

Your site is a physical embodiment of that idea, really. There's the screedblog and occasional bleats about current events that show that you're living amid the same turmoil as the rest of us, but they're secondary to the real site, which is about life and fun and enjoying the moment and being aware of what is around you.

So thanks for what you do. Please keep doing it.
Thom

I didn't expect a response, let alone one so quickly. I guess he sorts his mail by "most recent first." Anyway, he said:

Why, thanks! That's very kind, Thom. You put your finger on the general objective of the site - it's not my intention to do one thing or other; I just make it up as I go along. But I'm glad it comes across like something *I'd* like to read. If you know what I mean.

Babblingly,

Liles [sic]

Heehee! James Lileks wrote to me! Pardon me while I have a shameless fan-boy moment. Oh Cousin! Now we do the dance of joy!

You must understand. If I could write any website on the web it would be Lileks.com. The Instapundit is cool (not as cool as his wife), but Lileks rocks. I've been reading for several years now, and it's to the point that I feel like I've got a friend up in Minnesota. Last time I flew through there I joked with my wife about calling Lileks while we were in town.

Anyway, I have a hard time believing he's not a genuinely nice guy (he loved playing Dark Tower, for crying out loud). His site is fun, and his "Diner" podcasts are a hoot. The man deserves his success, and I wish him more.

Home Depot Season

The wind was clutching at us with icy fingers, but we were determined. Spring can leap out and grab you if you're not careful, so we made sure we won't get surprised. The entire family went to Home Depot on Saturday morning. I tell you, the place is dangerous. It's like an opium den. Step inside and you start to hallucinate just from inhaling the air.

I've never felt a particular need to own walkie-talkies with a ten-mile range, but see a pair at Home Depot, and suddenly I start to see myself using them all the time. "Honey, where is yesterday's newspaper, over?" "It's right behind you, dear. And so am I, over."

I tried out one of their covered patio swings. I was instantly transported to a night in July, the humid coolness of evening, sitting on the back deck (okay, the deck--we only have one) swinging slightly, head back, enjoying the thought of being alive. As opposed to how I felt out in the garden center trying to locate bags of compost while the cold air made my nose hairs tingle (okay, it wasn't that cold, but it wasn't the warm day we'd been hoping for).

We walked past the lighting section and I saw a quaint English style street lamp. Must...have...cool...looking...light! Do I know where we'd put it? No. Do I know how much it costs? No. Do I know if it would require any special wiring? No. But dang, it looks cool! Slap me hard in the face before I reach my Discover card.

Thanks, I needed that.

I think my wife recognized that look in my eye. She's not immune to the wiles of Home Depot, but fortunately she has a stronger resistance. She insisted we go home, review the budget, and decided what our priorities were before we start buying anything else. We were there for seeds, compost, floor polish, and batteries. I'd managed to talk her into getting some spray bottles (cat training, if you must know) and window cleaner as well. I didn't push my luck.

Besides, the season is young. Home Depot is patient. It knows its prey will be back, and it will be even fatter next time. I erred and mentioned those two magic words: Tax refund. You could almost feel the store throb with anticipation.

Absorption? Or Inflitration?

I don't consider myself racist, and I try to let people think and feel and do what they like so long as it doesn't interfere with my right to the same. But when I read things like this, I can't help but think it should be okay to exclude immigrants from cultures such as this:

A friend of mine is a retired chief of police, who used to be in charge of the security of a major city in the south of France. He reported to me that his men had to face an average of 10 rapes a week, 80% made by Muslim young men. 30% being what we call, in French, a “ tournante “, meaning that the victim is being raped by an entire gang, one after the other, often during an entire night. My friend reports that, in many cases, he was able to locate and arrest the rapists, often very young ones, and, as part of the investigation, call the families. He was astonished that, in most cases, the parents not only would back up their rapist children, but also would not even understand why they would be arrested. There is an instant shift in the notion of good and evil as a major component of culture. The only evil those parents would see, genuinely, is the temptation that the male children had to face. Since in most cases the victims were not Muslims, the parents’ answer and rejection was even more genuine: how could their boys be guilty of anything, when normally answering to a provocation by occidental women, known for their unacceptable behavior?

I should probably state that "this" comes from a FrontPage Magazine symposium on the rise of rapes by Islamic men against non-Islamic women.

Rape, it seems, is very much a part of Islamic culture, justified by religion:

Female “provocation” in the Muslim society is usually a definition for the mildest behavior. Smiling, singing, talking, being alone for one minute in the same room as the rapist, having answered a question in an inappropriate way, wearing clothes which are not strictly in obedience with what is locally considered as the Muslim rules, all of these innocent behaviors are seen as a misconduct authorizing “revenge.”

...

In Muslim society the male is dominant and almighty since he is made after God, when women have been created as a necessary evil to tempt males. In other words, the female body is the closest thing to the Devil, something which has to be dominated as a proof a faith. We go back to the sacrifice of Eros to Thanatos, as one of the basic sacrifices of all monotheisms, where, since the origins of the Bible, first inspiration to the Koran, women have been the carriers of the original sin.

In such a pattern, a male will not only consider any suspect behavior, including the mildest one, as an evil temptation, but he might look forward to experiencing one, as a religious challenge. Whatever will happen then won’t be the result of his own will, but he believes in having received absolution in advance for an act that, he knows, is against his own religion. During these minutes of deception and absolute power, he is not abusing a woman but fighting the Devil inside.

This is such an alien concept to me. If you are tempted by something, the best way to resist it is to give in to it? So if I'm tempted to steal, rather than resist the temptation, I should show my dominance over the temptation by not just stealing the thing I want, but cleaning out the entire store, then burning it to the ground? (Or, perhaps more accurately, vandalizing and damaging the store until the owner has it burned to the ground to eliminate his shame.)

I know I should be tolerant of other cultures and other ideas, but I do not see why I should have to be tolerant of this. That my daughter could be gang raped by muslims for simply smiling at them is incomprehensible and completely unacceptable. If this is what these people believe--and are not willing to denounce such behavior at the border--then I don't want them living in my country.

We evidently have no problem excluding Mexican or asian immigrants, whose main downside is their poverty, but are hard-working and generally moral. Is it really such a stretch to exclude a people who overtly despise our culture, plot its downfall, and believe they have a god-given right (if not responsibility) to rape women who don't live down to their standards?

What is worse, however, is that many westerners actually defend this behavior:

As far as the Western feminists are concerned, they seem to be hovering in other dimensions, in absolute arrogance, learned from ethnologues like Claude Lévy-Strauss. For them, freedom is that each "culture" may it be as inhuman as can be, is entitled to prosper even on our soil. The next act in this surrealistic piece of stage play is the unlimited understanding that Norwegian Professor Ms. Unni Wikan, shows for Muslims raping Western women: Norwegian women must take their share of responsibility for these rapes, as they are not dressing and behaving according to Muslim understanding. The Norwegian women, in her view, are to realize that they live in a multicultural society and adapt themselves to it, as Mark Steyn reported already in 2002.

If this is correct, am I to believe that the women who were burning their bras forty years ago are advocating full robes today?! It's okay to be dominated by men, so long as it's not American men? Did I oversleep and miss the Stupid Train?

The Muslim male immigrants hate it in the USA because they are not totally free to live according to the sharia.

I'm glad to see we're holding the line for the moment. But make no mistake: the line must continue to be held. As more and more muslims come to this country they will gain confidence in their ability to coerce, threaten, and dominate our culture to the point that no one will dare resist them, either from fear or from "moral superiority."

The Great American Melting Pot is a thing of the past. Celebrating diversity is the "in" thing these days. Except the muslims don't want to celebrate, nor do they want diversity. If they get their way it will be "Celebrate Sharia Or Die!"

I understand there are many, many muslims in America who are more than happy with American values, culture, and law. To them I extend my welcome, and express my hopes that they are helping the newer immigrants to adjust.

But to the immigrants coming here hoping to impress muslim culture on America I have but one thing to say: This is America, the land of scanty fashions and strong-willed women. Keep your pants on and go take a cold shower. Or stay home.

Blurring The Lines

the New York Times has written an article about how Wal-Mart is using bloggers to disseminate information in defense of its image, tarnished recently by legislation in Maryland aimed at making the corporate monolith pay more for employee health care.

The problem, evidently, is that many bloggers repeat the Wal-Mart message verbatim without appropriate citation. I agree, that would be the helpful and ethical thing to do. Anyone who takes their reputation seriously should do so.

But other than that, the media has little to complain about. If people are turning to blogs rather than mainstream media for news, it's because the mainstream media is:
a) not interested in the same things people are,
b) not fairly or accurately reporting the news,
c) pushing an agenda that is not shared by the public,
d) too expensive or inconvenient to access, or
e) any of the above.

It's not surprising that Wal-Mart is using this medium to get out its message. In an environment where traditional marketing is becoming less and less effective, it's only a matter of time before something as popular as blogs gets subverted into just another marketing channel. If you've read "Pattern Recognition" by William Gibson, you're aware of much more inventive (or perhaps devious) methods that aren't that much of a stretch. It's only a matter of time before some inventive soul moves us beyond Blogads and begins to blur the lines of traditional ethics.

Wal-Mart, at least, is encouraging bloggers to attribute correctly. Bloggers are under no legal requirement to do so. It's only a matter of time before targeted marketing starts to find its subtle way into blogging like vanilla insinuating its sublime, earthy warmth into the fizzy lusciousness of an ice cold, tongue-tingling Coca Cola.

Now where did that come from?!

Just Another Manic Monday

A co-worker approached me this morning and informed me I was accompanying him to Phoenix next week for business. This was news to me, and not welcome news at that. I have no desire to leave town right now, especially for a week. Fortunately I went to the project manager later to find out just what it is they want me to do in Phoenix. It turns out he had me confused with someone else. I'm not going anywhere.

Then I get a phone call about my father being in the hospital. This is the same father who was given a grim prognosis last fall, and then proceeded to stage a miraculous recovery. In lieu of details I assumed the old disease was back. It turns out it's something else altogether--something operable. Not that surgery at his age and condition is a great option, either, but it's better than the terminal inoperable condition he supposedly had last fall.

Then, of course, I had a person I needed information from for a top priority project stand me up twice. I finally was able to contact her this afternoon, however, and things are moving forward again. This week is not off to a great start.

On the other hand, I found that I do have some options for composition software. Finale, which is the package I learned on in college, has a free-ware version they offer as a lead in to get you to buy any of four upgrade-to-full versions. The freeware version doesn't seem to offer any sequencing functionality, but it handles notation well, and does offer limited playback so you can check to make sure it doesn't sound too awful. It's a 30 MB download, but it's pretty good for free. I may be able to arrange a piece for the choir after all.

The top-o-th'-line version looks pretty darn impressive as a sequencer and composition tool. But it's $500, requires WinXP, and up to 1 GB of memory for the more advanced features. I guess that will have to wait. But ooooooh...covet covet.

Didn't See THAT One Coming...

Today I was asked to be the permanent choir director for our church choir. I rather expected it. I would have had to have done a pretty lousy job last week for the Bishopric to NOT think "Hmmmm...why not just have him do it?"

I'm a little ambivalent about it. I did feel a tangible sense of relief last week when I thought I was done with it. On the other hand, I'm also sensing some eagerness about it, too. My mind is already trying to write a new arrangement of a hymn I'm thinking of doing. I wish I had the software to make composing--or at least notation--easier.

I do enjoy music, and I enjoy creating it. The choir seems fairly enthusiastic about me continuing. I can think of worse positions. I can easily remember HAVING worse positions. Not that long ago, too. It'll be fun.

Priceless

Emma had an in-house meet yesterday at her gymnastics school. The kids don't compete against each other so much as against themselves. She performed in four different events; floor exercise, balance beam, vault, and bar. In each event they evaluate the kids against what they should be able to do, and then award you a white, red, or blue ribbon accordingly. Then they award bronze, silver, or gold medals for your performance overall.

Emma earned three blue ribbons and a red for a gold medal overall. We're quite proud of her. We thought the meet would last longer than it did, so we'd planned to trade off so that the boys wouldn't have to sit through it. As it was, when I arrived with the boys for the hand-off they were nearly done. I got to watch Emma's vault, at least, and she did do quite well compared to some of the other kids I saw.

Emma, of course, was bubbling over. "I like winning!" became her mantra for the evening. Preparing for the meet has certainly increased her enthusiasm for gymnastics lately. I think she finally realized that all these things they learn actually have a point to them. She's had a blast memorizing her routines.

At any rate, it was another of those moments when you get to see just how amazing your kids are. I have no idea how far she'll go--or want to go--with gymnastics, but for now she's really enjoying herself, and learning quite a few things that will help her throughout life. It's been money well spent. Yesterday's meet was definitely a "Mastercard Moment."

Speak Lies To Weakness

There's a phrase that has been overused to the point of Inigo-ism ("You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means!"): Speaking truth to power. Just what does that mean, exactly? And how does one know it's the truth, anyhow? But because I want to be hip and part of the counter-culture, I'm going to send the following letter to my senator. I'm pretty sure this is the right direction, as usually that phase is used in context of dealing with the government. Anyway, I digress:

Dear Senator,

I want to be make a difference in the world. I want to speak truth to power. In that vein, I have the following to say to you, oh powerful one:

- I don't know even 10% of what is going on in Iraq.
- I haven't a clue about the intricacies of the UAE Ports deal, or how trustworthy anyone from the UAE is.
- I didn't vote in the last library bond election.
- I have a scar on my upper left arm.
- I have never had a piercing.
- I did, however, accidently stab myself in the throat with a pair of scissors once.
- The current administration are all a bunch of human beings who are neither as good or as evil as most people make them out to be.
- It is unknown how many planets are in our solar system currently, as there is considerable debate as to what constitutes a "planet."
- I do not own a dog.
- I just ate several peanut-butter chip chocolate cookies.
- They were good, or rather, I found them to be good.
- If I had more I would eat them too.
- Spying on Americans is wrong, except when it isn't.
- Spying on foreign citizens on US soil who may have connections to groups devoted to killing US Citizens is probably a good idea.
- Unless you are a foreign citizen on US soil who may have connections to groups devoted to killing US citizens.
- I actually can't verify the veracity of the previous two statements, but they sound like truth. I know. It's not the same thing. It also sounds true to me that I should be in charge of everything.
- I have a copy of "The Lord of the Rings" in Finnish.
- The whole "Cheney Shoot Friend" incident could have been handled better.
- Even if it had, the press would still have had a field day over it.
- The press are better at telling other people the right thing to do than they are at doing the right thing.
- Homer Simpson is a fictional character.
- I know less about foreign policy than I do about Bablyon 5.
- I still haven't filed my taxes.
- Speaking truth to power takes a long time, and I find it boring.
- It no longer requires an apple a day to keep the doctor away. They no longer make housecalls.

Thank you for listening,

Your constituent.

If You're Going To Do Something...

...Do it big!

Many of you recall that I became a fan of The Apprentice: Martha Stewart last year. As a result I got to watching The Apprentice: Donald Trump as well. This year I tried to resist, but I decided to watch Trumps Season Five opener. I may as well admit that I'm going to watch every week now, especially since my wife also got dragged in. And I may as well admit I'm going to blog about it.

So rather than punish all of you, who probably couldn't care one fig, I've created a new blog for it. I present: Apprentii Voyeur. Yeah, I'm one sad, sick soul. But I'm also experimenting with the commercial market and more focused blogging. I'm not ready to try taking this blog to the world at large, but I'd be willing to do it on something of less consequence.

So check it out if you like. Or don't. I won't be hurt.

Trump and Martha: Not a Good Thing

If you ask me, and as usual you haven't, darn you, I think both Trump and Stewart are behaving badly in their little "Apprentice" spat. Martha continues to stick to her story that creator Burnett and NBC planned for her to fire Trump and have just one show. Trump continues to claim her show was terrible and she needs to take responsibility for that.

To Trump I'd ask "Why are Burnett and NBC staying quiet in this? Neither has, to my knowledge, confirmed or denied Martha's claim. And for my money, I preferred Martha.

To Martha I'd say "You've got nothing to gain from this. Take the high ground. Either get someone to confirm your story or drop it."

But one point that has come out in this whole mess is hard to refute. Stewart claims that brand dilution hurt her show. Trump made a similar claim back in November, 2005.

In an ABC News Radio interview airing Thursday, Trump said the fourth edition of his corporate-themed NBC reality show “The Apprentice” was being dragged down in the ratings by Stewart’s faltering spinoff series.

“I think there was confusion between Martha’s ‘Apprentice’ and mine, and mine continues to do well and ... the other one has struggled very severely,” the real estate tycoon said. “I think it probably hurt mine, and I sort of predicted that it would.”

I can think of two other cases that support that assessment. "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" are essentially the same show, but they never show at the same time. If I'm not mistaken, one shows in the Fall Season, and the other in the Summer Season. At the very least I've never seen them back to back.

Another successful show, "The Biggest Loser," launched several follow-on editions this year, but their main show took center stage. The other editions (families, couples, etc) came after the main show brought down the curtain.

The "Bachelor/ette" franchise is on ABC, but "The Biggest Loser" is an NBC creation, so I'm surprised that NBC didn't take a similar approach. I'm not sure why Donald and Martha didn't insist on it. Such a bizarre scheduling only support's Martha's claims about firing Donald, but ultimately both Trump and Stewart supposedly saw the main problem--at least after the fact.

At any rate, Martha's claims are not new. Donald's had plenty of time to respond before now. It's interesting to note that Donald is the only one who has anything to gain from this debacle, and it just happens to be going on right as his latest show (which still had ratings problems) is about to launch. I'm probably not the only one suffering from television burnout after the Olympics.

By the way, it's probably just a coincidence that Trump chose to call attention to Martha's daytime show by ripping on it. Yeah, Uh huh. This feud is much better scripted than their hideous commercials they did together plugging both their shows.

Prediction: Watch for the spat to cool after tonight, and for the two to reconcile at the first sign of ratings drop for this season's "Apprentice."

Me? Cynical? Nah. I'm too jaded to be cynical.

Finns Party On Ice

From an article on MSNBC.

The Finns appeared to have recovered from the loss quickly, with thousands of hockey fans braving freezing temperatures in Helsinki’s central market square late Sunday to celebrate the nation’s silver medal.

A six-hour ceremony, with local singers performing on outdoor stages, ended in the homecoming of for Finnish “Lions.” Flag-waving fans greeted the team with shouts at the icy waterfront square near the president’s palace.

I've been in that square. Only serious Finnish Hockey fans would stand in out there in freezing temperatures and icy winds slicing in off the sea for six hours. I did it for ten minutes and thought I'd never thaw out. Perhaps the ceremony only lasted two hours, and it took four more hours to chip everyone loose from the cobblestones.

I'm not sure which is more weird; to read about things happening in someplace I've been several times, or that I still find it weird to read about things happening someplace I've been several times.

Weekend GRound-Up

Finland lost to Sweden, 3-2. The US Ski Team is promising to crack down on the behavior of their members. Apollo Anton Ohno won more medals than he won in SLC, with less hype. Bode managed to do worse. The US won 25 medals; four less than Germany, and with Canada, Austria, and Russia nipping at their heels.

The Olympics are over. I'll miss it. I'll also enjoy having my evenings free. What is it about the Olympics? I don't follow any of these sports at any other time. I don't even watch Champions on Ice.

While watching the Figure Skating Gala with my wife I commented that it was nice to be able to watch them skate without the commentators criticizing every move. And I meant it. On the other hand, the air of competition is a tangible element. Take that away and you have a bunch of athletes skating beautifully--and well below their abilities. Only Yvgeny Plushenko seemed to skate like something depended on it.

The drama of competition is compelling, at least for me. A large part of the Olympics is the personal element--something largely missing in American sports. The coverage usually assumes you already follow the sport and know all the personal details. The Olympics coverage thrives on making it personal, on giving you a reason to care. There's pageantry and drama, fame and fortune, and winning and losing measured in hundredths of seconds or points. We love the villains as much as the heroes. And, at least for me, we love watching people doing their best, regardless of nationality.

There's also the fact that the Olympics only come around every other year. I can spare a few weeks every few years, especially when it's compressed and packaged so nicely. It also wears me out. I need a few years to decompress.

---

I directed the church choir on Sunday as a pinch-hitter until they find a permanent replacement. We had big-wigs coming, and so they needed someone to put together a choir number. It came off well, and I had fun.

I've often heard of the phenomenon of people who had never been to practices suddenly appearing for the performance. I'd never seen it, really, until yesterday. We met before the meeting to run through it again, and suddenly I had a bunch of teenagers filling out the soprano and bass sections. At least they had a chance to run it once before performance, I guess.

Another young man joined the bass section, but he at least had the decency to ask me later if I minded if he jumped in. All in all, a rather odd situation, but it came out okay. And now the choir is someone else's problem.

I was also asked to sing a solo for a later meeting with just the men. It's been awhile since I was that nervous singing in public. It came off okay, too, though I got a phlegm-clot in my throat that made my voice rougher than I would have preferred. I guess I spent too long among college voice professors who would tell it to me straight. But, like Tiffany, I've had to learn to grin and be gracious in the face of compliments.

The two performances almost back-to-back left me drained the rest of the day. The whole weekend left me drained, really.

Saturday morning I took the kids with me while Terhi cleaned the house. Emma had a make-up lesson for gymnastics, so I took her there and then took the boys for a walk in the unusually warm weather. We couldn't have picked a better neighborhood, as far as Walter was concerned.

The gymnastics school is in an industrial district that is still party under construction. Go up the street one direction and you pass a auto transport business, complete with car carrier trucks all loaded up and sitting close to the street. Farther up the street they are extending the road. Lined up and parked for the weekend were no less than four tractors: a scraper, a front loader, a grader, and a bulldozer. We were able to get a very close look (To my son's credit, he had NO interest in actually touching them, and got rather mad at me if I got within five feet. We've done something right.)

We observed the heavy equipment for close to half an hour, probably. Walter did most of the talking, going on and on about which vehicles they were (he is THE expert when it comes to identifying heavy machinery), and which ones he wanted for his birthday (essentially, all of them).

He finally tired of the tractors, so we headed up the street the other direction. There we saw a couple of forklifts and a mini-excavator. He discoursed at length about what the forklifts did, but again did not want to get close. As we returned to the gymnastics school he pointed out which parts of the street, most of which is still in post-construction/pre-landscaping condition, were dug by skid-steers and which required back-hoes.

By the time we finished I felt the construction area needed one more yellow sign: Caution - Active, sponge-like mind at work!

We returned to the school in time to watch the last few minutes of Emma's practice. I'd watched their warmups for a few moments before we'd left and had been impressed how smooth a runner she is. The other girls were all arms and legs in all directions, but with Emma there was not a wasted motion. She could probably run laps the entire class without tiring.

When we returned she was practicing her balance beam routine. She's five, so we're not talking anything complicated. She essentially climbs onto the beam (no small feat, considering it's about a foot taller than she is), does some forward steps, some sideways steps, and some backward steps, then jumps off for her dismount (again, no small feat in my eyes). She's got the routine memorized, and she practiced over and over again while the instructor worked with other kids.

It's easy to take Emma for granted around home, but put her with a bunch of other kids her own age and the difference is obvious. She is extremely disciplined and focused by comparison. She pays attention. She works hard. I'm very proud of her.

She'll be "competing" in her first in-house meet next weekend. Terhi and I will probably have to tag-team, as the boys aren't likely to want to stay put that long. I'm not sure even Emma will want to stay put that long. But I'm looking forward to seeing how my little girl handles herself. I'll probably experience a Lileksian "My little girl is growing up and outgrowing daddy" moment.

Parenting: Ecstatic Evisceration.

---

Friday night we attended a "friendship dinner" organized by our church. Terhi and I are not social people. We prefer small groups. By small groups I mean two or three other people and maybe an extra kid or two. This was five couples and between 15 and 25 kids, complicated by dinner. I barely got to know anyone better (the supposed intention of the event), and I barely got to eat. I won't be disappointed if we don't get invited to another one anytime soon.

On Saturday afternoon we had my brother and his family over for dinner. Their youngest and our two oldest spent the time after dinner chasing each other all over the house. Compared with the previous night, it seemed rather peaceful.

In hindsight, though, no wonder Terhi and I were completely dead by last night. With weekends like that, who needs weekdays?

The Winter War

My adopted country just kicked some Russian behinds. Now they face the Swedes (big, big rivalry, believe me) for gold. I suspect just about every Finn in the country will be glued to their television set Sunday night. The Gulf of Bothnia could get very warm.

Big Fat-Waaaaah!

Mormons Not Laughing About Polygamy Comedy "Big Love."

Perhaps, but we're also not calling for the creator and writers to be beheaded, or threatening riots, death, and destruction in any city that dares to show it. Heck, I doubt that many will even boycott it--or call it that if they choose not to watch it. I wouldn't be surprised if quite a few DO watch it, frankly.

On the other hand, we may still ply our neighbors with green Jell-o salad with shredded carrots, and excess zucchini from our gardens. That may count as terrorism, I suppose, if we hadn't already been doing that.

That Figures

Well, I didn't get what I wanted. Hughes fell. Meissner bobbled. Cohen fell--twice. Slutskaya fell. There were many impressions of a curling stone throughout the evening. But Shizuka Arakawa put together a clean, elegant program that, though perhaps lacking in passion, earned her Japan's first-ever women's gold, and the country's first medal in Torino.

I'm very pleased for her. She was living in the shadow of Slutskaya and Cohen, both of which were favored by the media to win, while her name was seldom mentioned--even though she was less than a point behind either of the two leaders. Perhaps it was that lack of attention and pressure that made the difference. Both Slutskaya and Cohen succumbed to the pressure.

I'm also pleased with Sasha Cohen. After falling twice on her first two jumps, I expected her to fold. Instead she came back and nailed the rest of her routine, displaying all the grace and elegance she is famous for. Ultimately, it was her artistic flair that saved her--and earned her a silver. Her artistic marks were considerably higher than her technical marks.

Slutskaya I feel for. She is not an artistic skater. Enthusiasm, for which she has never lacked, does not always translate into artistry. And after she fell, her enthusiasm seemed to flag as well. With the strong showing by Arakawa, she needed to skate the technical performance of her life, and she just couldn't do it.

In the end, however, I'm not sure either Slutskaya or Cohen could have beaten Arakawa. Though falling twice as often, Cohen was only just over a point behind Slutskaya in the technical marks for jumps, so it's entirely possible that even landing both jumps wouldn't have made up the nine point deficit she ultimately lost by. Slutskaya would have had to achieved technical perfection, not just landed all her jumps.

It was Arakawa's night. While not the darling of the short program, she started last night only seven tenths of a point in the hole. Not much of a hole, but it was evidently deep enough to hide in while the pressure got to everyone else.

Incidentally, either NBC is going more international in their coverage, or Finland is starting to build its skating program. Two Finns, Kiira Korpi and Susanna Poykio, skated last night. They earned 14th and 15th place. It was nice to see.

Ice Ballet

I'm sure I watched some during the Salt Lake Olympics, but I'd forgotten just how amazing short track speed skating relay is to watch. Here you have a fast race on a small oval with four teams of three skaters. One group is skating the race, a second group is moving around the inside of the track while waiting to zip onto the track for the "push-off", and a third group is cooling down from their racing laps while staying out of the way of the other two groups.

The result is a multi-colored swirl of activity that somehow manages to go on for 27 laps without much more than an occasional jostling. I'd recommend you not watch it if you're already experiencing stomach distress. The constant churning is hypnotic nigh unto dizzying.

In other news...hey, wouldn't you know it, Bode Miller didn't do anything newsworthy today. Or maybe he did. I'm avoiding the online results so that when I watch the women's figureskating finals tonight it will actually be a surprise.

Freestyle Aerials is a scary sport. You ski down a hill and up a ramp that throws you five stories in the air while you spin like an astronaut on a NASA 3D centrifuge, hoping to land on both feet on a steep and slippery slope below. That's not a sport where you want to make a bad landing. I didn't see any red stains on the hillside, though, so I assume it doesn't happen very often--or they hide the evidence quickly when it does.

Why do I get the idea that this sport's origination included alcohol and a double-dog dare?

Slippery Slope (And this isn't about skiing)

Here's an article about the results of approving gay partnerships in Sweden. (Hat Tip: Dr. Sanity)

If this doesn't scare you, then you scare me!

So Sue-o-me!

The American hockey team just lost their last chance at a medal. I have a hard time feeling sorry for them. Not when they lose to my adopted country, Finland.

Hyvää Suomi! Otta keltainen! (And pardon my Finnish!)

Let's Not Forget The Commercials

Let me just start with a disclaimer that I don't watch the Super Bowl. So if any of the following commercials are leftovers from that, oh well. I wouldn't know.

That said, I will not be sad to see an end of Olmpic commercials. Most of them are getting just a little old about now. So of course that means review time!

I do not want to make friends with my "fast," thank you.
Boo to Volkswagen and its series of commercials in which supposedly normal men are mentally controlled by a plastic figurine with an evil voice that resembles a Pokemon reject with glowing eyes. So your cars are turbocharged. Whoop-de-blippin' doo. I'd never notice while stuck in traffic on Emerald anyhow. And your sinister little Id-ling may actually be a turn-off. I know my wife hates it. And I for one wouldn't want to drive a Volkswagen if it means I've got to take orders from a Happy Meal prize from Hades.

Fine, but I'm still not going to let him jump on the bed.
A local insurance company has some rather cute commercials showing little kids doing little-kid things like jumping up and down on the bed, rocking forward in their shoes, pushing their wagon back and forth--and then switching over to show how each of those things translates into an Olympic sport. The intent is to show that our lovely little-un's could one day become world-class atheletes--and they're there to help with the money issues. It's cute the first time or two. It hasn't been cute since...oh, last monday.

I know it's beer, but...it's SOOO CUTE!
They have other commercials as well, but Budweiser has a series of commercials showing a clydesdale colt yearning to be all grown up and pulling the famous wagon as one of the famous team of horses. The absolute cutest one is where the colt sneaks into the barn and sees the wagon all set up and ready to go, including a harness. Sneaking a look around, he puts his head in the harness, then takes a practice pull just for fun.

The wagon moves, and the colt is surprised that he's actually big enough to move it. Growing more confident, he pulls some more and succeeds in pulling the wagon out of the barn. As the wagon passes across the screen we see two adult clydesdales (we assume it's momma and pappa) quietly pushing the wagon with their noses from behind. As the proud colt, unaware he is getting help, continues pulling the wagon across the farmyard, we see the farmer and his dog leaning against the part observing the entire scene. He looks down at the dog and says, "I won't tell if you don't."

Baby horses with oversized hooves. Take my word for it, it's cute.

They win, you win, but only if Coke wins
Coke has a bizarre series of commercials where a bunch of sports fans are (I assume) rehearse a bunch of customized cheers for specific Olympic events. The idea is that when our athletes win a medal, Coke customers win a prize. Therefore these guys are taking it very, very seriously that they should cheer on the Home Team. Way too much effort for a free can of Coke (they're very careful not to even hint at what the prizes might be). Way too annoying to want to watch more than once.

Speaking of revolutions, where's my torch and pitchfork?
Chevy is a major sponsor. Goodie for them. Enough commercials. The only cute one is where a family of prairie dogs check out the interior of a Suburban, and like it so much that they drop it into their colony. The prairie dogs are cute. For the first couple of times.

There is another commercial where a large family in a Suburban stare incredulously at a family passing by that requires three cars to hold the same number of people (the dog gets his own car. Har har, funny funny). There's an empty boat trailer following behind, sparking madly. I guess that's because small cars don't tow trailers? I dunno. It makes no sense to me. Please go away.

Even worse is the one where three superfans (shirtless, painted up so that the three of them spell USA) lose one of their trio into an icy pond. They pull him out, frozen stiff, and decide they need the "S" more than he needs to receive medical care. They haul him around, Weekend At Bernie's style, from event to event and prop him up between them. Some attractive women think the frozen guy is cute. They accidentally knock him over into the bobsled track where he slides to the bottom.

Woo.

Please go away. It wasn't funny the first time.

Last but not least
McDonalds is getting wierder and wierder. The "I'm Lovin' It" appeal to the black population is fine. But what's with the series of commercials with people sitting on a bench next to a Ronald McDonald statue. One guy with red hair and similar clothes feels oddly compelled to mimic Ronald's positioning. A girl pours out her soul to the statue, then seems disappointed that he doesn't answer her request for advice. I just don't get it. How does this make me want to buy more semi-dangerous food?

Cohen: Take That!

I watched the Women's Figureskating short program last night. A very nice night of elegant drama, in which the US women did well. Kimmie Meissner came out and put up a 1st place score that held for half the competition until Irena Slutskaya came out and nailed a energetic, fun performance. Emily Hughes put up a credible performance in which she seemed to have more fun than is usually associated with figure skating. They're currently in fifth and seventh place--still in range of medals when the pressure of the long program starts to take its toll.

But of course the star of the evening was Sasha Cohen. Skating dead last in a field of 29, she faced two strong performances by Slutskaya and Japan's Shizuka Arakawa, both sitting nearly six points ahead of the rest of the field. She skated the heck out of her program (rivaling Hughes for apparent enjoyment) and landed in first place--by three-hundredths of a point.

Just to put that in perspective, second-place Slutskaya is just over 10% ahead of the fourth place competitor, and 1% ahead of third. Cohen is just .04% ahead of Slutskaya.

The pressure to deliver on Thursday must be incredibly intense--for everyone. We're not talking about the Russian of Steel Yvgeny Plushenko, who was pretty much untouchable in the men's competition, finishing nearly 11% ahead of anyone else. Slutskaya and Cohen have a long history of choking under pressure. With such a thin margin, both will be under incredible strain to make every single move count. It's not a position I would want to be in.

Who will I be cheering for? Cohen, I suppose. But what would I most like to see? I'd like to see Irena, Sasha, Shizuka, Emily and Kimmie skate the performances of their lives so they can all walk away with no regrets. I'd hate to see a bunch of young women polishing the ice with their backsides as they each succumb to the pressure. Call me unpatriotic, but if they all skate really well and the top spots go to Russia or Japan, I'm okay with that.

But I'm already glad for Cohen. Last night should silence her critics for a little while.