Home Depot Season

The wind was clutching at us with icy fingers, but we were determined. Spring can leap out and grab you if you're not careful, so we made sure we won't get surprised. The entire family went to Home Depot on Saturday morning. I tell you, the place is dangerous. It's like an opium den. Step inside and you start to hallucinate just from inhaling the air.

I've never felt a particular need to own walkie-talkies with a ten-mile range, but see a pair at Home Depot, and suddenly I start to see myself using them all the time. "Honey, where is yesterday's newspaper, over?" "It's right behind you, dear. And so am I, over."

I tried out one of their covered patio swings. I was instantly transported to a night in July, the humid coolness of evening, sitting on the back deck (okay, the deck--we only have one) swinging slightly, head back, enjoying the thought of being alive. As opposed to how I felt out in the garden center trying to locate bags of compost while the cold air made my nose hairs tingle (okay, it wasn't that cold, but it wasn't the warm day we'd been hoping for).

We walked past the lighting section and I saw a quaint English style street lamp. Must...have...cool...looking...light! Do I know where we'd put it? No. Do I know how much it costs? No. Do I know if it would require any special wiring? No. But dang, it looks cool! Slap me hard in the face before I reach my Discover card.

Thanks, I needed that.

I think my wife recognized that look in my eye. She's not immune to the wiles of Home Depot, but fortunately she has a stronger resistance. She insisted we go home, review the budget, and decided what our priorities were before we start buying anything else. We were there for seeds, compost, floor polish, and batteries. I'd managed to talk her into getting some spray bottles (cat training, if you must know) and window cleaner as well. I didn't push my luck.

Besides, the season is young. Home Depot is patient. It knows its prey will be back, and it will be even fatter next time. I erred and mentioned those two magic words: Tax refund. You could almost feel the store throb with anticipation.