Sunday, August 31, 2008

We're Great--Because We Say So!

A friend of my wife's sent her an email post essentially cheerleading for how wonderful women are. Frankly, I agree that women are wonderful, but not for any of the reasons on THIS list:

It is good to be a woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with the mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make, could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware t hat we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their pres ence because they aren't listening anyway.

So I thought I'd come up with my own variation on this list:

It stinks to be a man:
1. Women got off the Titanic because men were self-sacrificing gentlemen--but if we hadn't been, they'd still be holding a grudge over that one
2. Women use "women's problems" to get out of things, and we know it, but it's just not worth the resulting trip to "sensitivity training" to call them on it
3. If we do get a taxi, along comes some woman who expects us to give it to her
4. Women are convinced we should have to dance, and then make fun of us when we do
5. Women can make fun of our clothes, but to say their's are anything less than spectacular is instant doom. Oh, and it's our fault for panty-hose and high-heels, too.
6. If a few mentally-deficient dorks find passing gas amusing, we ALL get blamed for it
7. If we forget to shave they refuse to kiss us
8. If we smack our teammates on the butt to congratulate them it's a "guy thing" and therefore wrong
9. Women would rather have us be in pain than let us adjust things when our clothing pinches
10. No matter how well we dress ourselves, it'll be wrong to some woman
11. Women always think we are imagining them naked, and if we aren't, they think we're gay
12. Women can marry a man for his money, but we can't marry a woman because she's young
13. Women assume we should want to pierce our ears
14. Women hog all the chocolate, whine about being fat as a result, but we'd better not notice
15. Women insult us right in front of us, but you may as well pretend you're not listening because you're just not going to win that fight, even if you win that fight. Better to just dump her and marry someone 20 years younger who will appreciate you
16. If women post an "anti-man" list like above, it's just "Grrrrl Power". If men post an "anti-woman" list we're sexist pigs

Now, I don't for one minute think woman are as bad as that. At least most. This is just to show how easy it is to turn such ridiculous drivel around on itself. Things like this really don't help, folks. People who have to work so hard to make themselves feel good have problems, frankly. They wouldn't have to justify themselves. Greatness should be self-evident. A true lady never has to aggrandize herself at the expense of others.

You go, grrrl! No really, I mean it. The door's over there.

2 comments:

Annette said...

I really hate that man-bashing is seen by so many women as a fun activity. Personally, I'm rather glad that men and women are different, and I'm quite happy to have a manly man around to protect and take care of me. I know that I am quite capable of taking care of myself. I did it for many years. But now I rather like having someone take care of me, and I like taking care of him too. That's called equal partnership. Too bad some women have to tear others down in an attempt to make themselves feel good.

Now if I could only convince my son that belching is not an acceptable passtime. . .

Anonymous said...

What is wrong with a man in a Speedo I dont see the big deal.