Things I've Learned From My Kids...

- Bananas are nature's perfect food.
- Cheerios are the perfect manmade food.
- A two-year-old boy can not only survive an entire day on half a cup of Cheerios, but can derive more energy from them than an adult can from three full meals.
- "Why?" is the best response to any statement or question.
- "Because" is only an acceptable answer when coming from a child.
- Even when there are hundreds of toys to choose from, two or more children will always want the same one at the same time.
- "Because someone else is" is always a good reason to cry.
- Anything is a good reason to cry.
- No matter how many times momma leaves and comes back, she might not this time!
- Not reading a book the same way every time will upset the cosmic balance and doom us all!
- Any unknown object/substance should be identified by tasting.
- Toys go in mouths...food does not, unless bananas or Cheerios.
- It doesn't matter if something tasted good last week or yesterday, it might not today and is therefore suspect.
- Any new food is guilty until provent innocent.
- Cats make good toys.
- Even if I sit on you, DON'T TOUCH ME!
- The desire to have Mommy or Daddy do something again will increase in direct proportion to the effort required by aforementioned parents.
- Everything should be repeated as rapidly and loudly as possible until the parent in question shouts their acknowledgement to be heard over your repeating everything as rapidly and loudly as possible.
- Time-out is excruciatingly painful and never justified.
- Commercials are the only important parts of any program. The parts between commercials are for playing/fighting as loudly as possible.
- Bees are scary, and everything that flies is a bee.
- Children are beautiful little angels when sleeping and at other random intervals.
- A smile from a two-month-old can cause temporary amnesia.
- "I love you, Daddy," is a powerful phrase, and extremely fun when used just as Daddy reaches the peak of frustration.
- Lawnmowers are as fascinating as they are scary.
- Children's ears are "far-sighted." They can't hear you when you are right next to them, but can pick up a whisper clear across the house.
- Children do not require air to speak.
- What they don't tell you in diaper commercials is that diapers operate quite differently when occupied.
- The volume, stench, and "spread" of a diaper will always increase in opposition to the amount of time you have to devote to clean-up.
- The act of getting ready to leave the house triggers bowel movements in children.
- I still wouldn't trade being a parent for anything.