Q: Why Is There No Mexican Olympic Team?

A: Because every Mexican that can run, jump, or swim is already in America.

Remember that old joke? Well, I'm not laughing any more.

Hypocrisy and racism is running rampant these days. Remember the UAE ports deal? Remember how we didn't want any of those people running our ports? Remember how it wasn't racism, but a matter of national security?

Well, here we are a few weeks later. Now the issue is immigration. Some want to open up our borders and let everyone in. Or at least let all the Mexicans in. And no one is concerned about the impact on national security now.

Why? Because Mexicans are not a threat? Tell that to the police departments in every major city in the country. Tell that to the families who have lost their children to illegal drugs. More people die every year from drugs and drug-related incidents than died on 9/11, I'm sure. But that's not the Mexicans' fault, right? It's those darn Columbians, man!

Tell me, can you tell a Mexican from a Columbian? Is it ethical to even try? Wouldn't that be racial profiling?

It would be one thing if the immigrants really intended to become Americans. Some do--don't get me wrong. But from what I'm seeing from all the protests, it appears that the Mexicans want to turn this into another Mexico. Excuse me, but I thought they were wanting to get out of Mexico!

"This flag murdered chicanos, indians, latinos." So are you telling me that you want to ally yourself with that flag? Or replace it? Why does this sentiment from people right next door cause less of a stir than people half a world away shouting "Death to America!"? They love to tell us that a small country in the Middle East couldn't possible harm America. So why aren't we showing more concern about our neighbors?

Let me get this straight: Rich, friendly Arabs owning our ports is bad, but poor, hostile Mexicans infiltrating the lower rungs of our society and infrastructure is good? One sells us oil, the other sells us drugs. One has produced radical groups that murdered thousands of innocent Americans, the other produces radical groups that want to "reclaim" land occupied by millions of innocent Americans. One has tried to kill us, the other hasn't gotten around to it yet.

Or maybe this is all just a clever trick to get rid of the illegal immigrants. After all, if we grant them all amnesty we can start to assess taxes on them and their employers. That raises the cost of employing them, which will make more people think twice about it. Lots of immigrants will become unemployed...and go on public welfare...which will mean I'll end up paying for them. Excuse me, but I'm already supporting an immigrant, even if she isn't from a politically advantageous country. Don't give me more to take care of. Not until you've done something to guarantee that Social Security will still be there for me.

But never mind me, I'm just a cold, uncaring, selfish, wealthy, facist, racist, religious white male. I should feel lucky to be allowed to live. It's amazing I'm not too tired to work and pay taxes, seeing as I'm so busy being the cause of all the world's ills. Bad white boy. No pork for you.

Trouble is, I'm not against immigration. I'm not against immigrants from Mexico. I just expect them to go through the same system as everyone else for coming into the country. I expect them to learn English and pledge allegiance to our flag. I'm just not in favor of creating a "discount citizenship program," where if you can sneak in and not get caught for X years, you're home free.

I'm just not in favor of setting up a situation where Al-Zarqawi can fly to Tijuana and walk across the border with a dirty nuke. I'm not in favor of having to shell out fees and file reams of paper to prove to the government that I really am married to my wife, while someone from Mexico just has to touch the INS' doorstep and yell "Safe!"

Yeah, I've always been a nihilist.