Dude On A Hot Asphalt Roof

I have a new respect for roofers. On Saturday I tried shingling the roof on the playhouse. It was only in the 70's or so, but the roof quickly became unbearable. If I left my leg in one spot too long it would start to burn. Then I realized the asphalt itself was starting to melt, an that if I didn't tread carefully I'd scuff up the shingles.

So I moved to the other side, hoping the different angle to the sun would help. It did. I was able to get most of that side done before it again became too hot to stay up there. Now I need to wait for a cool evening or next weekend before I can finish that particular job.

On the other hand, I must say the roof is looking quite nice--what I've got finished. It really add to the look of the playhouse. As long as you don't look at the window that isn't quite parallel with the roofline you'd almost think it was professionally done. And if you stand back to where you don't notice the other little goofs. And squint your eyes a bit. And don't look at any other straight lines nearby.

The show I was in is over now. I'm glad, as it was taking up a lot of time, but I am glad I did it, too. It was fun to get up on stage again. And hanging out in the wings waiting to go on. And hanging with the rest of the cast in the green room. Good times.

I really, really need a haircut now.

Our Hearts We Cannot Steel

I'm currently on vacation working on a playhouse (I may have mentioned this). Today I was working out back putting up roof trusses when I heard gunshots. At first I was puzzled--gunshots? Here? Not in our sleepy little metropolis. Then I heard the bugle.

You see, we live about half a block from a cemetary. I'd never heard it before today--perhaps the wind direction helped carry it our way or something--but they were holding a graveside service with military honors. I usually get choked up pretty easily over "Taps", but suddenly I was reliving my father's graveside service in January. There I was, on top of a ladder with a drill in one hand, crying.

I don't know where I get the idea that I'm somehow different from other people. When people tell me it takes time to get over losing a loved one they're right. It doesn't matter that we were expecting it, that it was a merciful passing, that we had our chance to say goodbye first. There's a hole there, and it's going to be there awhile. Perhaps it's not overtly impacting my life every day, but it's still there.

I think the hardest thing to come to terms with was that I never did say goodbye. Not the way I had wanted to, anyway. The last time we visited I said it to his face, but while I said the words, there was a lot behind them that didn't get said. I started a letter to him several times and never finished it.

And his last night, after the family had a prayer around his bed, Mom even requested that we take some time to say goodbye. I didn't. It was too easy not to. There were family around I hadn't seen in some time. There was Mom to worry about. There was my sister and her little boy to help out with. There were plenty of excuses. I just didn't get around to it. I was scared. Of what, I'm not sure.

I wish I had. I guess I should take some comfort in knowing that I said much of what I would have said during the blessing we gave him the night before he died. I should take comfort in knowing that I'll have a chance to tell him again someday. But the comfort isn't there.

So now I can only add my voice to all those who I used to ignore: Never leave things unsaid. If you have your chance to say goodbye, take it.

One Advantage of Women's Lib

I've observed an interesting phenomenon (doot-dooooo-dah-doo-doo) these past few days. You see, I'm not exactly a big, burly, manly-man type. I'm 5'7" and 130 lbs, and while I don't consider myself a wimp, I'm not tough. I'm fine with that.

So when I go to Home Depot and wrestle 4'x8' sheet lumber I have to take my time and use the laws of physics rather than the law of the jungle. I can get it done. It just takes me longer.

Anyway, I've made three trips to Home Depot in the last four days. Each time the only workers to offer me help are women. Never the men. I don't know what it is. Is it an unwritten rule in the Brotherhood of Brothers that we never embarass each other by offering help? Is it just that women are more apt to realize that sheet lumber is heavy and therefore assume someone would want help? Is it just that women are more observant about what is going on around them? I don't have the answer, but it would be interesting to know.

I mentioned this to one of the women who stopped to help me today, and she apologized profusely (it was not my intention to see someone fall on their sword over it). And she rounded up a guy to help me while I was on the way to the checkstand so I could get help loading it all in the van. Yeah, I could have done it myself. But I was in a hurry to get the van back before Terhi needed it. So it was well appreciated.

Standard Disclaimer: I have no problem with women working at Home Depot. I have no problem with women lifting heavy objects for me or helping me lift them. I'm pretty sure if they're working at Home Depot they know what they're getting in for. They're either just fine with the lifting or they'll get someone bigger to do it. And if I need help, I'll accept whatever help is offered.

Allow Me To Demonstrate

Our company sponsored two classes yesterday; one on CPR, and another on First Aid. I signed up for both. The CPR class was kind of fun, really. Serious stuff, but good to know. The afternoon class on first aid, however, was an adventure.

The teacher was a paramedic, and so he had lots of "example" pictures. I started feeling a little sick, so I put my head down on my knees, hoping it would pass. It didn't. I passed out. I came to with paramedics surrounding me. I become coherent quickly enough, but I still felt lousy. When I didn't bounce back as fast as I should have, and when I told them about my heart condition, they decided I needed a trip to the E.R.

I spent the next three hours in the hospital. Three tries to put in an IV, a series of bloodtests (they're always ordering a CBC on "ER"--I still don't know what it is, but I got one!), an EKG, two x-rays, an IV of saline, and oxygen therapy later they decided that the class pictures had triggered a vasovagal episode, compounded by mild dehydration, otherwise known as "I got squeamish and passed out." On the other hand, they ruled out complications from my heart condition, which I guess is good to know.

I'm still a bit weak and frail today. I was describing what happened to someone this morning and started getting dizzy again. I guess I've really got to watch it for awhile. The good news? If you stop breathing for any reason--I'm your man!

I really, really hope this ends our run of bad luck for awhile.

Tips for the Ninja-besieged Enterprise

I ran across a Microsoft add in a trade magazine today that made me giggle. Yes, I' m a geek, as ninjas make me giggle. Especially the thought of them besieging my enterprise. Some sample tips:

Avoid Ninjas in the first place
Ask yourself--why have Ninjas chosen your company? Did you do something to offend a powerful warlord? Is a competitor particularly nasty? Who would send Ninjas after you? Answer this question and you'll be ready for next time.

Use your whiteboard as a shield
Ninjas love throwing stars, known as shuriken. They are sharp, and pointy, and when thrown they stick in deep and hurt a lot. Grab the nearest whiteboard and use it as a shield when the shuriken throwing begins. Yes, it'll ruin the whiteboard, but you can explain later.

Use your phone (to call for help)
Ninjas are tought--deadly actually--and no one will judge if, at a point when all hope seems lost, you call for help. Calling in reinforcements from branch offices, even the warehouse crew, can make the difference when Ninjas attack.

Use office plants as weapons
Those dusty-looking palms around your office may look harmless, but you can wield them as formidable weapons. The fronds can be used as pokers; aim for the Ninja's sensitive spots. Cacti are particularly useful for the Ninja-besieged enterprise. Throw them, pot and all, like grenades.


In other news, at least three people have stopped to comment on my computer desktop today. It shows the painting my sister did of our uncle's ranch, and it's drawing lots of positive comments. Congrats, sis! You're getting noticed!

Putting the "Civil" in Civilization

Don Imus is getting what he deserves (fired for racial slurs uttered on the air). Let me be clear about that. What saddens me about this case is that it's so isolated. There should be plenty of others tossed out along with him. We are no longer a civil people. We call each other the most horrible things and call it free speech. Or comedy. Or entertainment.

I've no doubt in my mind that had he said those things about a team of white women no one would have batted an eye. I have no doubt that if those things had been said by someone on Saturday Night Live no one would have cared.

We shouldn't have people saying things like that about anyone! We shouldn't need censorship because people should be watching their own mouths. We've become a nation of potty-mouths, and we have entire career fields stumbling over one another in a headlong race into the gutter.

We should have a culture where people are well and truly shocked by such language. But in reality, the only result I see from this is all the other shock jocks deconstructing the incident: "Where did he go too far? Was it adding in 'ho?' Can I call someone a 'nappy-headed weasel' and get away with it? How about a 'nazi-headed ho?'" How long, do you think, before we have SNL comedy sketches where men dressed up as old, white biddies sit around and call each other 'nappy-headed hos'? (In a way, I hope they do, though I doubt it would have the effect is should.)

If it were up to Thumper's mother, America would be known as The Silent Nation.

I can't say that I'd mind that.

What They Don't Tell You

It's big news to tout Bush's low poll numbers. They usually leave out the fact that congress polls even lower. Even with the change in majority they're still only slightly improved over-all. Could it be that we're just sick to death of politics?

Treading The Boards

It's been a long time since I was in anything theatrical. Getting close to ten years, now that I think of it. That's changing, and I must admit it feels good. Our church is organized such that the local congregation is called a "ward," and a grouping of wards is called a "stake." The stake we're in now is big enough (thirteen wards--nearly twice that of most stakes) to take on some fairly ambitious cultural activities.

One of their traditions is to do a musical revue every year. Last year was "The Best of Disney." This year is "The Best of Broadway." I wasn't going to be involved, but someone in the ward choir I direct got an idea to do a scene from a musical he just discovered and invited me to join (it requires men, and lots of them). It actually fit my schedule without too much adjustment, so I agreed. We had our first rehearsal yesterday.

The musical is called "For the Glory," and is built around various perspectives on the American Civil War. Our scene is about both sides as they prepare for the first Battle of Bull Run, one of the first battles in the war. It's fairly powerful music--and pretty dang high--and I'm going to thoroughly enjoy it. I'd love to do theater again, but to everything there is a season. I don't think I can stay away forever.

Meet Thy Doom!

Over breakfast this morning my three-year-old son looked up at me and intoned menacingly "I am Dooooom!" Evidently my doom is a little brown-haired boy with green eyes and a goofy grin. Strange. I always thought it would be puppies.

It turns out he was just misquoting a Charlie Brown special. ("I'm doomed!")

We got the lawnmower back from repairs last night. The verdict: Water in the gas tank--and the oil pan. The mechanic was puzzled. I was not. My Doom has a toy lawnmower, and he has a bottle of water he uses for his gas. He was helping daddy. It's hard to be upset about it--in fact I won't even try. He's a good kid, and he was pretty worried about the lawnmower when it broke. He wanted to follow the repairman to see where he was taking it.

Speaking of the repairman, I highly recommend "Timberwolf Small Engine Repair" for all your small engine repair or service needs. He's honest--he could have told me it was ANYTHING and I'd have believed him, but instead he solved my problem for the cost of a servicing. He's thorough--he even cleaned the thing up so it looks brand new. And he picks up and delivers for free! Granted, there's probably only one regular reader of this blog that is likely to care, but still.

The List Continues

We're having a bit of a bad run of luck lately, it seems:
- The computer died, had to buy a new computer
- Windows Vista doesn't support Outlook from Office '97. Had to buy Office 2007 to get our email back (on the bright side, my current employer is a Microsoft Partner, so it only cost me $20, as long as I stay employed there)
- Major windstorm pounds city for three days. Our deck swing is tattered, and we lost shingles in three places (would have lost more if I hadn't climbed up on the roof with landscaping blocks to hold the rest down)
- All three kids get colds, two of them getting ear infections
- Lawnmower ran for two minutes, then died, never to start again
- Our whiteboard calendar suddenly crashed to the floor tonight (granted this is minor, and possibly a good sign that the trend is losing steam?), breaking the frame in three places

I can't wait to see what this week brings!

Incidentally, though I haven't had a chance to really use it yet (other than Outlook), Office 2007 sports a totally new interface paradigm, and I think I may really like it.

Still Alive...Old...Friend!

Life's been crazy lately, but I'm still alive. Not the least of my worries has been the death of our computer. The power supply went out, and being both proprietary and out of production it would have been expensive to fix. Adding in the potential for additional damage beyond the power supply and the fact that the computer was old and slow, it just became easier to justify getting a new one.

Which we've done, and are still putting together. For now I've got the basics reinstalled, and then I'll see what we actually need before I install anything else. Retrieving all our old files was tricky enough. The hard drive from the old computer wouldn't come out of the case--at least not with the tools I have--so I had to use a power and IDE cable from the new computer to cross-patch the old hard drive into the new machine. The setup resembled two cars giving a jump-start with too-short jumper cables.

Then I had to call in a professional to figure out how to keep the new computer from trying to boot up with the old hard drive. Thank goodness for professionals--you know, those friends you have that you never call unless you have computer problems, and yet they still consider you friends. In my case it's St. Darryl of ASAssi.

Anyway, the up-side is we now have a flatscreen monitor. And a free printer which I've yet to install. :-P The downside is that I've got about $300 in rebates to file for, and the list of requirements reads like a Hogwarts potions recipe. I was out in the garage last night cutting UPC's off the old boxes--which I'm glad I kept. Today I have to make photo copies of the sales receipt, which of course is too long for the copier, so I have to use the reducing option to make it all fit.

Of course they want to make it difficult for you. And of course they want to take as long as they can getting your money back to you (they say 8-10 weeks--even the US Gov't doesn't take that long!). I understand the business reasons. But it's still a pain in the butt.

In other news, my mother in law is here for a couple of weeks. And my mother is in the hospital.

Confessional

I'm one of those nuts who still doubts all the claims around global warming. And yes, I base much of this off of Michael Crichton's book "State of Fear." And under the relentless assault of media I've been slowly been coming to doubt what I remembered reading. Not that I am willing to take the plunge and become a true Believer in Global Warming, either.

Let me just step aside for a moment and go on the record saying I'm all for sensible measures for minimizing our impact on nature. Nature is complicated enough without our adding to its volatility. So I'm for pollution controls, recycling, reducing waste and reliance on oil, etc. So long as it's done fairly and sensibly.

Now then, back to the science. Orson Scott Card published an essay citing evidence that the "Hockey Stick Report" that much of the Global Warming crowd accepts as the basic tenet of their faith is actually faulty, if not fraudulent. He cites some references, but unfortunately they're from books that will cost you money.

On the other hand, I have found a few articles lately that, if not disproving CO2 as the primary cause of global warming, at least cast doubt on it being the only cause. It seems Mars is experiencing global warming, too. And all our Mars explorers are solar powered, so you can't blame that one on us:

An article on MSNBC Online, which references an article in
National Geographic, as well as another related article on
Livescience.com.

Add to that the fact that a few scientists are coming forward to challenge Al Gore's claims (though most say he exaggerates, not is outright wrong) , and I'm feeling a little more confident in saying "Wait a second, are we getting ahead of ourselves a little here? Do we really know what's going on, or are we guessing, or worse, twisting data to suit our own ideals? Is it really as bad as all that, or are we just trying to scare people into doing something that, while not necessarily bad, may not be for pure motives?"

So yeah, let's see if we can't do some real science first and make sure we know what we're talking about before we all jump on the bandwagon, eh?

Smart As An Eight-Year-Old

The New York Times has an article about an eight-year-old genius and the math quiz he took to identify him as such. I got them all right, though the 5th question took me awhile to wrap my brain around it.

Actually, it's not clear if I got them all right. Question 6 he identifies as not being possible, which I didn't catch.

Still, I did much better than I anticipated. And I did it while recovering from a migraine. Try THAT, genius boy!

Lileksian Juxtaposition

I was reminded yet again why I read James Lileks' blog. He has a gift for jarring, anti-contextual, yet completely sensible extrapolations. In today's entry he was describing being outside at 10 pm shoveling snow when some pedestrians walk by and say hello:

...and then the guy said "hey, you're James Lileks." That's always nice to hear from strangers, unless of course they're assassins. Turned out they weren't.

First smile I cracked in far too long.

Stomach Bug Redux

Wednesday night I was feeling a little achy. Thursday morning I was feeling a little uneasy in the stomach, but not bad enough to stay home from work. By the time I was halfway down the street from our house, though, the stomach cramps hit. I wisely turned around and went home. Two hours later I was locked in the throes of major stomach flu.

I'm feeling mostly better today, though my stomach still yells "Whoa! Whoa! Careful there!" anytime I even think of grabbing some food. Cream of Wheat, a bagel, and a banana are about all I've managed to eat today.

I had this same stuff, only milder, a couple weeks ago. I really, really hope this is the last time for awhile. A looooong while. More importantly, I hope no one else in my family gets it. Again. We just barely got the couch cleaned from the last go-round.

More About Money

Well, it looks like the accidental bonus incident will be resolved peacefully. At least I'm hopeful. The HR people didn't seem terribly alarmed. So we'll see. For now the money is still sitting in my account.

My financial advisor has been trying to contact me, though between bad timing and lack of effort we still haven't connected. In an attempt to guess what he might be calling about I checked my investments. One stock that dropped about 50% after we got into it has collapsed even further. The collapse has not been quick, either.

This advisor has not been particularly great at communication. The last time I spoke to him he promised he'd call me soon to get together and review our plan. That was eleven months ago. I like the guy and all, but I think I could do better myself. It may be time to part company.

I Might Have Known

It was specifically called a retention bonus, so as best I can figure I just need to keep working here and keep being...me! Well okay, then!

Evidently that's not true. I need to keep working there and keep being...my brother! He's the one who signed a contract to stay with the company, but they got confused and gave me his money.

Interesting in hindsight that, in spite of having worked with the HR department for over a year, this being an outright error never occurred to me. I was much more willing to believe coporate cluelessness was cause.

Well, since I'm obviously a believer in corporate cluelessness, I'm having a hard time believing this is going to go well for me. Perhaps its time to polish up the resume again.

Gee, Thanks!

My company has given me a fairly impressive retention bonus. Can I just take the money and move on? No, of course not! I must overanalyze!

From what I can tell, this is NOT a general bonus. I've yet to talk to anyone else who's received it. My boss had no idea what I was talking about. I didn't know I was getting it until last week, and I didn't know how much until I got it.

Armed with that little bit of information I can't help but wonder what my company is hoping to accomplish. If it's not a general bonus across the board to everyone that's still with the company then it's not intended to be a "Hey, we made it! Hooray for us!" morale raiser. It's to specific people. But no one took me aside a year ago and told me "Hey, stick with us through the coming changes and there'll be something extra in it for you", so it can't have been an incentive to minimize turnover or retain targeted people.

So someone just dumped a sizable reward in my lap, but danged if I can figure out what I did to deserve it, or why others didn't. So how am I suppose to know what behavior they want continued? It was specifically called a retention bonus, so as best I can figure I just need to keep working here and keep being...me! Well okay, then!

Not to say I'm not very pleased and grateful. I am. It's just...well, I'm an analyst. It's what I do.

You Vomitous Mass

Tomato soup and stomach flu makes for interesting carpet stains. Let's just say our upstairs hallways looks like a crime scene.

I'm dubbing this the "Oh Yeah?!" Flu. You spend a day or two with it, then you think you're feeling better. To which it promptly responds "Oh yeah?!" and slaps you down again. Emma and I are on our second round, Walter's on his third round, at least, and Richard...well, he may have had one round. It's hard to know with him.

So far the only lucky one is Terhi. I'm not sure how she's managed to avoid this stuff, but I hope she continues to avoid it. If she goes down the whole place collapses.

On the up-side, I was able to finish a book I've been reading in fits and starts for about six months. "1776" by David McCullough is a good book if you're into history. It's only problem is that it's mis-titled. It should be titled "1775-1783"--not because the book covers that entire period, but because I wish it did. McCullough is a thorough historian who really gets into the personalities of the key characters. The only fault I can really find with the book is the lack of good maps. I'm a map/visual type of person, and while there were maps, I think they were period maps, and they were very hard to read.

I appreciate the way McCullough doesn't try to make up your mind for you. He presents facts and opinions, but leaves it up to you. He points out several events during that year that were considered "divine providence" at the time, but doesn't seem to take a stand either way himself. The book is certainly about George Washington, and there you can tell what McCullough believes, but he doesn't gloss over his bad points and mistakes, either. In fact, "1776" seems to be [i]about[/i] Washington's mistakes.

At any rate, I find myself wanting to know what happened next. I mean of course I know, but not really. A lot happened between the battles of Trenton and Yorktown. I'd like to fill in my knowledge a little. If anyone knows of a good book or two, feel free to let me know.

In the meanwhile, I'm listening to "Sea of Glory," by Nathaniel Philbrick, about the United States Exploration Expedition of 1836, which is fascinating so far. I was also given as a birthday present the book "Flags of our Fathers," by James Bradley, which traces the lives of the six soldiers in the famous picture of raising the flag on Iwo Jima (recently made into a film by Clint Eastwood). It looks like it will be quite good, too.

So I've got my work cut out for me for awhile.

Well, We're Still Here

A good pity-party, some more sleep, and a few good, long talks later, and the world is looking better. Thanks to a good friend who provided a sufficiently non-judgemental ear at the right time, I think we're back on track. And I watched "Groundhog Day" over the weekend. That is still very much a fun film.

The weather is flirting with Spring. I know it's just setting us up.