Friday, April 13, 2007

Tips for the Ninja-besieged Enterprise

I ran across a Microsoft add in a trade magazine today that made me giggle. Yes, I' m a geek, as ninjas make me giggle. Especially the thought of them besieging my enterprise. Some sample tips:

Avoid Ninjas in the first place
Ask yourself--why have Ninjas chosen your company? Did you do something to offend a powerful warlord? Is a competitor particularly nasty? Who would send Ninjas after you? Answer this question and you'll be ready for next time.

Use your whiteboard as a shield
Ninjas love throwing stars, known as shuriken. They are sharp, and pointy, and when thrown they stick in deep and hurt a lot. Grab the nearest whiteboard and use it as a shield when the shuriken throwing begins. Yes, it'll ruin the whiteboard, but you can explain later.

Use your phone (to call for help)
Ninjas are tought--deadly actually--and no one will judge if, at a point when all hope seems lost, you call for help. Calling in reinforcements from branch offices, even the warehouse crew, can make the difference when Ninjas attack.

Use office plants as weapons
Those dusty-looking palms around your office may look harmless, but you can wield them as formidable weapons. The fronds can be used as pokers; aim for the Ninja's sensitive spots. Cacti are particularly useful for the Ninja-besieged enterprise. Throw them, pot and all, like grenades.


In other news, at least three people have stopped to comment on my computer desktop today. It shows the painting my sister did of our uncle's ranch, and it's drawing lots of positive comments. Congrats, sis! You're getting noticed!

4 comments:

Dan said...

There's a business in there to be developed! Desktop art galleries. If someone buys, you get a commission!

Tiffany said...

You said Enterprise and I thought "Jean-Luc?"

Benneducci said...

Me personally, I'd love to see a movie with ninjas assaulting the Enterprise-E. It'd be a heck of a lot less icky than those doggone Borg, even with the cough syrup blood flying all over the place!

Thom said...

I'm with Ron. Ninjas on the Enterprise would probably not even make them break a sweat after some of the other stuff they've faced.

Worf: Captain, I've got a security alert on deck ten.
J-LP: What is it, Worf?
Worf: **Scanning** Sir....it's...only ninjas, sir.
J-LP: Ninjas? I was afraid you were going to say the holodeck was on a murderous rampage again. Very well. Send Counselor Troi to talk to them and have her report back to me when she's done.
Worf: Aye sir.