Parental responsibility and Obama's school speech

My first grader informed me today that his class will be watching Obama's address to schoolchildren on Sept. 8th, and that if we don't want our child to watch we need to notify the teacher. Frankly, I'm embarrassed that this is what our country is coming to.

I remember a lot of people on the right promising to do for Obama what the left were unwilling to do for Bush: respect the office, if not the occupant. That has all been forgotten, evidently, as a hear a lot of people encouraging us to keep our children home that day. I repeat, this is embarrassing.

The man is the President of the United States, whether we like it or not. Let him talk to our kids. He's not likely to say anything too complicated anyway. These are schoolkids, after all.

That night be sure you talk to your kids about the speech. Find out what they got out of it. Find out how they feel about it. Then offer counter-arguments as needed. I learned last year around election time that my opinion still hold sway with my kids. They still trust Mom and Dad over teachers and presidents.

But they won't for long if they feel like you are hiding things from them. Pulling them out of school because the President is speaking is going to spark their curiosity and make them want to find out just what is so bad about what he said. Then they'll wonder why Mom and Dad were afraid of it. You will lose credibility by avoiding issues like this, where you will gain trust and respect if you meet the challenge head on.

My wife just found in the school newsletter that only six classes out of at least fifteen will be showing the broadcast. That is rather sad, but I can understand why the teachers would want to avoid the hassle. It makes me wonder if there are parents out there who burn their children's Presidential Health and Fitness Award certificates when they bring them home from school.

Give your president a little respect and your kids a little credit. I understand the speech will also be broadcast online, so watch it yourself so you know what to discuss with your kids. But for pity sake, people, let's stop acting so suspicious and fearful. Obama does not have a mind control ray. He's not going to tell our kids to join his Obama Youth Brigade and refuse to eat their vegetables until you give in on health care and cap-n-trade.

I do not fear Obama using the schools for a bully pulpit. I have a much more effective vehicle when it comes to ensuring my children are taught correctly. It's called the dinner table.

Invasion of the Spiders

We were awakened in the middle of the night by a blood-curdling scream from our youngest. My wife was evidently impressed by the speed I exhibited in getting from our bed to his. I just know that screams like that can never be good.

He was seeing spiders everywhere, but there were no spiders. We calmed him down and got him back to bed. That lasted all of two minutes. The spiders were back. They were everywhere. And they were invisible to me. It was as if he were hallucinating.

Our three-year-old is not typically afraid of much. This was something I'd have expected from his older brother, to be honest. But he was terrified. I did my best to comfort him, but after a little while it became obvious he wasn't going to calm down any time soon. Meanwhile we were keeping his brother awake.

I ended up taking him downstairs and reading him books, then snuggling on the couch for awhile. Eventually he started getting a little drowsy and talking about squishing spiders. I decided it might be time to try again. He willingly went upstairs and got into bed--after checking his pillow for spiders again. He didn't make another sound until breakfast time.

I'm pleased I was able to handle this situation patiently. Perhaps this was one case where I could empathize. I remember being scared at night sometimes as a kid. I know that it's not always rational. Still, as an adult who needs his sleep, it could have been easy to get upset. I'm glad I didn't. At least not with him. The cat who kept trying to slip into my lap and perform acupuncture no matter how many times I said no wasn't so lucky.

But I'm not sure whether to chalk the episode up as a victory or not. Should I be satisfied that I was eventually able to get him past his fear, or be concerned that I lack the presence to dispel the monsters with a word like some fathers seem to be capable of doing? I'm not sure.

All I know is that the hug and kiss he gave me before we headed upstairs to bed made it worth it. Being a daddy is not for the faint of heart, but it can certainly have its rewards.

Laying Down Groundrules

Entertainment is everywhere these days, and as parents we need to be careful what our children are exposed to. My kids are still pretty young, but already we need to keep a close eye on things. But how do we keep an eye on our kids and still show them we trust them?

Well, these parents seem to have struck a decent balance:

Evan Spencer wanted to play “Call of Duty: World at War.” So he asked his dad.

Hugh Spencer wasn’t initially thrilled about the idea of his son playing the World War II-based game. “I’ve never really enjoyed first-person shooter games,” he confesses. “They’re just not my favorite aesthetic.”

But the elder Spencer agreed to his son’s request, on one condition: Evan would have to read all four treaties from the Geneva Conventions first. And then, agree to play by those rules.

An important piece of information is glossed over here, but his son had to ask to play the game. That implies that the parents have established control...but that they're still open enough to their children's requests that they feel okay about asking rather than just going behind their backs...well, much. The son did admit eventually about having played the game at a friend's house first. But still. He seems to have sensed that the game would be controversial but still trusted his parents enough to give asking a shot.

The father agrees to do an interview, in which the reporter asks how they keep tabs on their kids' playing habits and wonders if the dad plays, too.

I have hopeless hand-eye coordination, I don’t play anything (laughs). One thing is that you listen very carefully. We do actually monitor what they play quite extensively. It’s not a serious monitoring and we have to trust them, but I think the fact that they actually ask us about ratings (shows) that they’re carrying through on what we’re trying to do.

Did you catch that? He and his wife "listen very carefully". I've already noticed that with my kids. If they're interested in or excited about something it'll come up in their conversations with each other, even if they never talk to us about it. Parents can't be too wrapped up in their own lives to not be paying attention to what their kids are doing and saying.

You mentioned that your son is “relentlessly reasonable” and outlined his reasons for playing the game. How did he present his case?

...He presented the merits of the game as being good as a game, in terms of interactivity. He did actually ‘fess up and say that he’d played over at a friend’s house but hadn’t played it very much. He knew that the violence wasn’t too graphic. And he said that he really liked the fact that he could play online with his friends and they got to work cooperatively, and he enjoyed that. …

I felt that I had to take this request seriously. So I looked at the game … I didn’t play it, I looked at the box at the store and thought about it, contemplated it … and said “OK, you can get it.”

Again, they're showing trust in their son. When he says the game isn't too graphic the parents believe him. I don't know the game personally, so I can't speak to that, but it sounds like they have standards to measure by. And it sounds like the kid didn't just asked, but asked in a respectful, thoughtful way. The dad picked up on that and took the request seriously. In return, when the dad raised the "Geneva Convention" stipulation, the kid took it seriously.

But I think the main thing was that I didn’t want (Evan) to go into a scenario that was clearly in violation of that, and you slaughter a bunch of prisoners. They usually don’t set up the scenarios in that way, so it was more just to have that discussion and to have that basic check.

So, he has to play by all of those rules?

Well, sort of. Whether he actually incorporates that … I don’t think he actually holds up the page, but he’s aware that there are things called “Rules of War.”

It seems to me that this is metaphorical, really. Don’t just mindlessly go in and do anything in life, but think about the rules and moral implications of your actions, even in play. Is that what you were getting at here?

Yeah. I didn’t expect him to paste the thing by the console. He’d get killed immediately, checking his notes! (Laughs.) It was more like, give it some thought, particularly because it’s based on something real.

Bingo. Dad recognizes the difference between reality and a game, and hence so does the son. I think this dad handled the situation beautifully.

What would you advise other parents wrestling with this whole violence-in-games issue?

You really have to take a deep breath. I think every parent has to (do) what they feel is the responsible thing. I think it has to be informed — that’s the main thing. The other thing … you’re being judged on the level of these discussions. And the more decisions you make that seem arbitrary, the less they’re going to listen.

This dad gets it. I hope I get it as well as he does when it's my turn.